


Arcjec Gets Some Therapy

by Griever1337



Category: Homestuck, Vast Error
Genre: Therapy, Vast Error Yulepassing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-09-24 15:53:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17103545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Griever1337/pseuds/Griever1337
Summary: Sometimes, the worst therapists are the best therapists.





	Arcjec Gets Some Therapy

Arcjec's leg twitched as he laid on the couch, looking up at an unfamiliar ceiling. The room was silent for a scant few moments, as Arcjec inhaled and exhaled, trying to relieve the tension in both the office and his mind.

"XDXD Sometimes, when I'm in a situation and there's no easy way out of it, and I have to make a tough decision...I see myself, as a little kid. It's a little chilling whenever I see myself like that, because he's always telling me to run away from my problems. Run away from any responsibilities that were forced upon me - ones that weren't forced upon me, too. And only yesterday, when I took out my scythe and killed this huge monster to save some snakes, did it feel like I had the strength to face myself. XDXD"

Arcjec took another deep breath and sighed.

"XDXD I know it sounds like I did something amazing then, but it didn't really feel that way. It was all kinds of weird, and fucked up, and I was a little scared. More scared of myself and my mistakes up to that point than I was of the shifter. And...I don't know. I don't know how I'm supposed to keep dealing with this. Is it some kind of hallucination? Some messed up part of my mind trying to make me into a hindrance to myself? I'm not even sure if that part of me is 'wrong'. XDXD"

Arcjec shifted up in the couch and looked towards his therapist.

"XDXD What am I supposed to do? XDXD"

The therapist looked at his notebook, words scrawled all over the paper in capital letters, and put them down calmly on his desk. 

"HAVE YOU EVER TRIED TELLING PAST DUMBASS WIGGLER ARCJEC TO GO FUCK HIMSELF?"

Arcjec’s head shot up violently as he sat up, as if his torso was shot out of a cannon. He didn’t really expect to get yelled at during a therapy session that his consorts set up for him in a remote corner of his Land. Then again, Repiton wasn’t exactly known throughout the galaxy for the planet’s mastery of all things therapeutic - Arcjec didn’t really know what to expect from this impromptu meeting.

“XDXD Um...what? XDXD”

“I’M GOING TO TAKE THAT AS A NO.”

This therapist’s voice is really loud, the bronzeblood thought to himself. It’s kind of annoying, actually.

“LOOK. I KNOW THAT THIS ADVICE SOUNDS ABOUT AS STUPID AS TRYING TO GET A BLIND GIRL TO APPRECIATE ‘FINE ART’ WITHOUT SPLASHING SALIVA ALL OVER IT LIKE A DEPRAVED LUNATIC OF A BEAST. AND BEFORE YOU ASK, YES! I HAVE BEEN INVOLVED IN SOMETHING JUST LIKE THAT! BUT THIS STRATEGY IS LIKE, GENUINELY HELPFUL.”

Arcjec’s eyes were locked in place, as he gazed into the eyes of the therapist whose inexplicable, and likely fleeting existence seemed to be on a mere tangent line with his own path through reality. Who the hell was this guy?

“ALSO, FOR THE RECORD, SHE DID STOP LICKING THE SCULPTURES, BUT SHE ALSO ENDED UP WAKING UP A GIANT ABOMINABLE SWEAT MONSTER OF A LUSUS THAT DESTROYED THE ENTIRE MUSEUM.”

“XDXD ...I’m sorry, what? XDXD”

“HONESTLY? THE COMPARISON KINDA FALLS APART THERE, SO JUST FORGET THAT I SAID ANYTHING.”

“XDXD Hey, before I listen to any more of your crazy rambling...who are you, exactly? XDXD”

The therapist sneered as Arcjec posed the question, his brow furrowed and his lips contorted into a frown, as if he just watched his client forsake all social etiquette. His disgust was the sort of disgust one would have if they saw a friend put jelly on their hot dog, or if they watched them choke down an entire Pepsi can, aluminum and all. He angrily flailed his hands about until they both gestured towards his name tag.

Karkat Vantas.

“YOU CAN READ THIS, RIGHT? BECAUSE I’M NOT HERE TO SCHOOLFEED YOU ON SOMETHING LIKE THAT! I’M HERE TO LISTEN TO YOU TALK ABOUT YOUR ‘FEELINGS AND TROUBLES’ OR WHATEVER, AND TRY TO HELP YOU.”

“XDXD Are you licensed, Karkat? Because I’m getting a distinct vibe that you’re more full of shit than a clogged load gaper. XDXD”

Karkat put down his clipboard, clasped his fingers together with his elbows on his desk, and grinned like the Grinch after he came up with his latest horrible scheme to ruin everyone’s day. 

“YES, YES! WRITE THAT SHIT DOWN!” he exclaimed enthusiastically. “IN WHAT I LIKE TO CALL ‘THE BIZ’, WE CALL THAT ‘SELF-LOATHING AMMO’. NEXT TIME YOU HAVE A MOMENT WHERE SMALL ARCJEC STARTS BOSSING YOU AROUND, GO AHEAD AND TAKE YOUR METAPHORICAL INSULT HANDGUN AND START UNLOADING THAT AMMO ALL OVER THAT CHILDISH BASTARD.”

“XDXD That’s actually...wait, you didn’t answer my question. XDXD”

“I’M NOT LICENSED, NO.” 

Arcjec was surprised - he found himself at ease with this. Despite the fact that this entire session was just revealed to be a complete sham and the fact that he shouldn’t really be taking advice from strangers...the suggestion he gave was intriguing. Unique, even. 

And perhaps it comforted him a little to know that Karkat was just some dude who wasn’t claiming to know the ins and outs of his psyche. That Karkat was just a dude that doesn’t want to see someone drown in a state of depression, and not the multiverse’s way of telling Arcjec that an entire planet was made with the sole purpose of making him get his shit together.

Or maybe he is, Arcjec worried. Maybe this guy WAS made as another extension of this game’s stupid, universe-bending interventions for me. His personality and advice may have been suited completely for my needs, and considering that he came completely out of nowhere…

Before Arcjec’s face could droop into his standard frown, Karkat snapped in front of Arcjec’s face.

“HEY.”

Arcjec nearly jumped in a split second of shock. Karkat closed the distance in between them while the bronzeblood was lost in his thoughts - now Karkat’s chair was between the desk and the couch, and he was sitting in a weird position where his legs spread out to both sides of the chair’s back. His clipboard, pen, and paper all laid motionless on the desk.

“ARE YOU THINKING OF MORE WAYS TO VERBALLY TRASH YOURSELF, OR ARE YOU JUST NOT LISTENING?”

“XDXD Can you tell me something? Why are you so sure your strategy would help me? XDXD”

Karkat closed his eyes, breathed in through his nose, and exhaled a deep sigh.

“LISTEN...I CAN’T SAY THAT I’VE GONE THROUGH THE SAME THINGS AS YOU HAVE. AND I CAN’T BE SURE THAT WHAT I’M SAYING WON’T FAIL CATASTROPHICALLY FOR YOU. BUT I’VE PLAYED THIS GAME BEFORE. I’VE HAD TO TALK TO MY PAST AND FUTURE SELVES MORE TIMES THAN I CAN COUNT. AND SOMETIMES I FOUND MYSELF TERRIFIED ABOUT THE IMPLICATIONS OF IT ALL - THAT MY PAST AND FUTURE IS SO SET IN STONE IN THE ALPHA TIMELINE, AND THAT I HAD TO CONSTANTLY CONFRONT MY OWN DECISIONS AND MINDSET AT EVERY MOMENT.”

Arcjec was sitting upright, now captivated by the conversation.

“FINDING MORE AND MORE ELABORATE WAYS TO CALL MY OTHER SELVES IDIOTS, AND RELYING ENTIRELY ON WHAT I THOUGHT WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO, RIGHT AS I WAS ABOUT TO DO IT...I THINK IT MIGHT’VE BEEN THE ONLY WAY I COULD REALLY HANDLE THE IDEA THAT EVERYTHING I DID, AND WAS GOING TO DO, WAS MAPPED OUT BY THIS STUPID GAME. MAYBE IT WAS THE EASY WAY OUT OF DEALING WITH ALL OF THAT, BUT IT KEPT ME SANE.”

“XDXD That sounds pretty rough, I guess, but...I’m still not sure this is helpful. XDXD”

“I BELIEVE YOU! BUT GO AHEAD AND TELL ME WHY YOU THINK THAT.”

“XDXD I can’t distance myself from my past so easily. I made some mistakes in the past because I was selfish and everyone was worse off for it, and every time I talk to someone, those mistakes are looming in the back of my mind. Taunting me. Making me feel worthless. XDXD”

“STOP THINKING SO HIGHLY OF YOURSELF, CHRIST.”

“XDXD I, uh. Did you hear what I just said? I already don’t think highly of myself. XDXD”

 

“OKAY, TO CLARIFY, OBVIOUSLY YOU’RE NOT WORTHLESS. BUT YOU ARE, IN FACT, COMPLETELY UNIMPORTANT.”

“XDXD Are you really trying to play some kind of semantics game with me right now? XDXD”

“LOOK. EVEN IF WHAT YOU DID WAS SOMEHOW ACTUALLY HORRIBLE, WHICH I REALLY DOUBT, YOUR ACTIONS HAVE WAY LESS OF AN EFFECT ON EVERYONE THAN YOU THINK THEY DO. NOBODY REALLY FUCKING CARES ABOUT THE PUTRID INSENSITIVITIES OF YOUR YOUNGER YEARS AFTER A WHILE.” 

Arcjec relaxes on the couch he was sitting on again, leaning back on the cushions but still listening intently. The words that Karkat just spoke were surprisingly calming.

“I THINK YOU’RE INFLATING THE IMPACT OF YOUR ACTIONS WITHOUT REALLY KNOWING IT. AND MAYBE THAT’S PARTIALLY THIS GAME’S FAULT TOO, SINCE IT JUST WENT AHEAD AND TOLD YOU THAT IT’S GOT THIS AWESOME DESTINY FOR YOU SO LONG AS YOU GROW UP THE WAY IT TELLS YOU TO, WHEN IT REALLY DOESN’T. BUT THE POINT IS THAT YOU’RE NOT AS IMPORTANT AS YOU THINK, AND KEEPING THAT IN MIND MAKES THINGS A LOT LESS STRESSFUL.”

“XDXD ...Look, even if you’re right about all this, I’m not just going to suddenly feel better because you told me what’s wrong with me. Or even that there isn’t all that much wrong with me. XDXD”

“OBVIOUSLY NOT - THAT’S WHAT THE WHOLE ‘TELLING SMALLER ARCJEC TO GO FUCK HIMSELF’ THING IS SUPPOSED TO DO! JUST AT LEAST TRY IT ONCE! AND IF THAT DOESN’T HELP, WE’LL FIGURE SOMETHING ELSE OUT.”

“XDXD ...Fine. I’ll give it a shot. XDXD”

“THANK YOU.”

Karkat pushed himself out of his seat with renewed vigor, and carried it over to the right side of the desk. As Arcjec watched this, he started to think to himself about this oddly therapeutic sham of a therapy session.

Maybe Karkat does sort of understand what I’ve gone through, in some weird fucked up way. Maybe he’s worth...reaching out to.

“XDXD no, he’s not. XDXD”

Arcjec stood in a blank white void, as his younger self faced him down. The younger Arcjec’s arms were crossed, makeshift blanket-cape trailing behind him. He didn’t look happy.

“XDXD don’t you remember all the pain you caused everyone before you stopped letting yourself get close to them? how awful you felt the last time you had a relationship, only to rot it away with your screw-ups? XDXD”

Arcjec looked down at his younger self. 

He was starting to get real tired of this guy.

“XDXD Of course I do. XDXD”

“XDXD then don’t reach out to karkat. you’ll only end up messing up everything you’ve been working towards these past couple sweeps. he’ll find some reason to hate you, and you’ll find some way to ruin his life. is that what you want? XDXD”

“XDXD You know what? That’s it. I’m not going to keep listening to a snot-encrusted brat who never learned a way to solve a problem that didn’t involve running away from it. Go fuck yourself. XDXD”

In the same moment Arcjec finished delivering the one-liner that this entire fanfic was based around, he snapped back into reality. The acting therapist pushed his chair in as his client stared into space for a moment, thinking about what he just did.

Huh. I guess he was right - it did feel kind of good.

Arcjec wasted less time than usual thinking about what he was about to do. He spoke up and interrupted his impromptu therapist just as he was walking out of his office door.

“XDXD Hey, Karkat…can you tell me more about yourself over a cup of coffee? XDXD”

He was going to reach out and make a new friend for the first time in a long time - for better or for worse.


End file.
